Time to lighten things up around here. So, this week’s blog comes courtesy of an article I wrote on menopause for Hot Flash Daily. If you’ve never checked out this site, be sure and take a visit.
Hope this article gives you menopausal women a few chuckles:
Okay, that was bad, sorry.
I might be joking about it, but at the risk of sounding weird, this whole egg thing really bugs me.
Unlike men, who somehow continuously make sperm throughout most of their life, women are unable to make more eggs after the two million that they are born with are gone. Now, does that seem fair to you?
Just wait, there’s more. By the time a girl has her first period, she has an average of about 400,000 eggs. Only 400 to 500 mature fully to be released during the menstrual cycle. What happens to the rest? The crazy eggs die off, degenerate, and are reabsorbed into our bodies.
Am I the only one that thinks that sounds gross and a bit disturbing?
By the time we’re nearing menopause, we’re no longer producing enough of the hormones we need in order to release eggs, which doesn’t really matter, because we’re running out of eggs anyway. The eggs get really fragile and fall apart easily so any eggs that are left are unusable.
In other words, we have bad eggs.
Cut to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I was an impressionable 11 years old when that film came out. Okay, picture Veruca’s final scene in the Golden Egg Room, where she wants her father to buy her one of Wonka’s golden egg-laying geese. After Wonka refuses, Veruca has a grand fit and breaks into the song, “I Want it Now,” trashing the room and disturbing the Oompa Loompas’ work. Although Veruca deserved it, I still cringe when she climbs onto an Eggdicator and is promptly dropped down the chute after being rejected as a “bad egg,” Her father is also classified as a bad egg and joins her when he attempts to rescue his daughter.
That’s what I think of when I think of bad eggs.
Or the quote by C.S. Lewis comes to mind: “No clever arrangement of bad eggs ever made a good omelet.”
At menopause we might have a few thousand or so of those bad eggs – stragglers like the people who hang out long after the party is over. What happens to them? Just like the other unused eggs, these bad eggs are absorbed into our bodies.
Yuck! That idea almost freaks me out as bad as the possibility of a shrinking hoo-hoo. To my horror, I discovered that during menopause, our vaginas can actually become shorter and narrower. We’re lucky that our lady bits don’t just up and disappear, my friends. What happens to our ovaries ain’t pretty either. Prepare yourself. Our ovaries shrink and atrophy – oh, how I hate that word that means waste away. How lovely. Or as Auntie Mame (one of my favorite funny movies) would say, “How vivid.”
All this just isn’t very flattering.
The good news?
Once our eggs are all gone, at least we don’t have to absorb bad eggs into our bodies anymore.
The more I think about it, the more I like that. After menopause, we’re done with those disgusting bad eggs. That just might be cause for a celebration. I feel better now. So to quote Auntie Mame again: “Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! So, live! Live! LIVE!”
Eggs or no eggs, we can still do that! Heck, yeah.
If you enjoyed this article, you may want to check out a new series I’m writing for Hot Flash Daily sharing what famous Hollywood stars have to say about menopause. First up, hot flash heroine, Whoopi Goldberg.
Image courtesy of mapichai at FreeDigitalPhotos.net