The Good Old Days: Old-Fashioned Hospitality

Remember the good old days when people practiced old-fashioned hospitality? When you could show up at someone’s house unannounced, and they were actually happy to see you?

The other day, I was reminiscing about a trip our family took when I was a teenager. We decided to visit some friends in Northern California, where we had once lived.

Our brilliant plan? We wanted to surprise them, so we didn’t give them the slightest hint we were coming. We simply made the 12-hour drive to their house (we boomers were used to long road trips, after all) and showed up on their doorstep, assuming they’d be thrilled to see us.

And guess what? We weren’t disappointed.

When our friends opened the door and saw our entire family standing there, they weren’t annoyed or flabbergasted. They were genuinely excited to see us, welcoming us with big hugs and squeals of delight.

There was something wonderfully spontaneous about it. No one needed to check a calendar or decide whether they were emotionally prepared for six unexpected guests.

They just welcomed us with open arms.

How Times Have Changed

Looking back, I realize how different it is now. Today, if you showed up at someone’s door without texting or calling first, you’d likely get a horrified look.

In fact, they might not even answer the door for any number of reasons.

Maybe they’re still in their PJs, the house is a disaster, they haven’t put on their makeup yet, they’re working from home, binge-watching their favorite show, or simply hiding from the world for the day.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m certainly guilty of this myself.

We’ve become so accustomed to scheduling everything that an unexpected visitor can feel less like a welcome surprise and more like an interruption.

Old-Fashioned Hospitality Meant Answering the Door

Remember when we actually answered the doorbell when it rang – and the phone too, for that matter.

We didn’t have little cameras that allowed us to inspect the person on our doorstep before deciding whether we felt like interacting with them.

We just opened the door. It could be a friend, a neighbor, or an aunt. Without hesitation, we’d say, “Come on in.” We’d put whatever we were doing on hold.

Maybe we’d sit at the kitchen table, drink coffee, talk about the neighbors, or complain about our jobs. Someone might say, “You’ll never believe what happened to me today,” and we’d listen.

Because we had time for each other back then.

It’s a miracle, but somehow, civilization survived.

When Having Friends Over for Dinner Was No Big Deal

Having someone over for dinner used to be pretty uncomplicated, too. If we felt like having company, we’d pick up the phone and say, “Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? I’m making a big stew.” And just like that, plans were made.

We probably cooked whatever we were already planning to make and straightened up the house a little. Meatloaf, spaghetti, or a casserole were perfectly acceptable choices. Add a salad, some rolls, and a homemade dessert, and we were practically Martha Stewart.

Back then, hospitality was about making people feel welcome. Today, entertaining can feel like a carefully orchestrated production.

First, you have to find a date that works for everyone’s schedules, usually weeks in advance. Then come the questions: Any food allergies? Gluten-free? Vegetarian? Low-carb? No dairy? And heaven forbid you serve plain old potato chips when you could have a charcuterie board with three kinds of cheese, prosciutto, artisan crackers, and something nobody can pronounce.

Then there’s the house. You don’t just tidy up the living room. Suddenly, you’re cleaning rooms your guests will never see, fluffing pillows, polishing things that haven’t been polished since the last presidential administration, and wondering why your baseboards look like they’ve been storing dirt for decades.

Maybe we weren’t as fancy in the good old days. But we knew how to make room for people without needing an elaborate menu, a spotless house, and three weeks’ notice. We simply found something to put in front of our guests, and made room at the table. You know, Walton’s Mountain style.

Maybe that’s what hospitality really was: Not impressing people. Just making them feel valued.

We Were More Connected Without Being Constantly Connected

The irony is that we now have more ways to communicate than ever. We can call, text, message, email, FaceTime, send photos, and like, follow, and comment from the comfort of our own homes. We can even send little animated pictures of dancing vegetables if that’s our thing.

And yet, sometimes it feels as though we’ve become harder to reach and more isolated.

These days, so much of our socializing happens without actually being together that we even have an acronym for meeting someone in person: IRL, or “in real life.” Think about that for a minute. Apparently, we need to specify when we’re actually sitting across from another human being.

And that’s too bad.

Because there’s something different about pulling up a chair and talking face-to-face, no Wi-Fi required. We see facial expressions and body language. We’re more likely to notice the pause before answering a question. If a friend needs comfort, we can reach across the table and hold their hand or give them a hug.

Maybe We Could Bring Some of The Good Old Days Back

I’m not suggesting we start randomly appearing on people’s doorsteps for a visit. Although, honestly, it might be fun to see the look on someone’s face.

Let’s face it: in today’s hectic world, showing up unannounced probably isn’t going to become the norm again. But maybe we could loosen up a little.

Instead of texting, “We should get together sometime,” how about actually making a plan to visit in-person? Stop by. Bring coffee, a pie, or just yourself. And if they’re still in their pajamas? Who cares? Doesn’t everyone live in their PJs these days anyway?

Because the older I get, the more I think friendship was never supposed to be about having a perfectly planned afternoon. It was about catching up over coffee and simply enjoying each other’s company.

Maybe that’s an old-fashioned habit worth bringing back.