Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Menopause

Image courtesy of stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We menopausal women face many trials like hot flashes, insomnia, and mood swings. But since my own blog is all about keeping a positive attitude and finding happiness despite challenges during this time of our lives, I thought maybe we could find some reasons to celebrate and embrace menopause.

This article was first published over at Hot Flash Daily, but in case you missed it — David Letterman style, here are my top 10 reasons we can celebrate menopause:

Number 10:  Sure, we pack on some extra weight during menopause. But that can be a good thing. We’re lucky, girls! Weight fills out our faces as well as our hips, bellies and thighs. I mean, do you really want to look like those skinny, shriveled up, crinkled women with crow’s feet that resemble the Grand Canyon? As we age, women need to choose between our faces and our rear ends. In other words, if we’re skinny, we may look good from behind, but our face suffers. Roses are red, violets are blue, thanks to menopause, I don’t look wrinkled like you! Yea for fat!

Number 9:  Okay, we have a few panic attacks and anxiety issues. But that gives us the perfect excuse to eat lots of chocolate, drink wine, and shop for shoes. I’m feeling better already, aren’t you?

Number 8:  Once we’re through menopause no more periods, no more babies (just adorable grandbabies if we’re lucky), and no more crazy PMS. Just think of all the money we’re saving on pads, tampons, Midol, ruined underwear, and birth control. Now we can spend more money on shoes! Did I mention that I’m addicted to shoes?

Number 7:  Yes, we’re cranky. But menopause gives us an excuse for flipping off that annoying driver who tailgates us. Okay, so I’m a goody-two-shoes who has never used my middle finger for anything except scratching my nose, but hey, it’s looking tempting to me lately.

Number 6:  I don’t know about you, but insomnia has been invaluable to my Candy Crush skills. And we always have something to talk about at the water cooler since we’re up-to-date on all the late show jokes and can tell everyone about the wide array of products available on infomercials.

Number 5:  True, we may be losing the hair on our head and other places, but that means there’s less hair to style and didn’t you always hate waxing and shaving anyway?

Number 4:  Memory loss allows us to use all those post It notes that took up useful space in our junk drawers. Our fuzzy brains also provide the perfect excuse for missing that dentist appointment for a root canal.

Number 3:  Our wild mood swings that make people run for their lives are useful for keeping away those people we don’t like anyway.

Number 2:  The facial hair we accumulate during menopause allows us to see clearly how much we resemble our beloved fathers, brothers, uncles, and grandfathers.

Drum roll. Here’s my top reason you can feel happy and grateful for menopause. Be prepared, I’m going to get serious for just one moment.

Here’s Number 1 and it’s a big one: Not everyone gets to live long enough to go through menopause. My mother-in-law died from breast cancer in her late 30s. She’s always a reminder that instead of complaining about getting older we should be grateful to be alive.

So hip-hip-hooray! Let’s have a party and celebrate menopause. This is a time in our lives when we can redefine our roles, enjoy our new-found freedom, reflect where we’ve been and how we want to spend the next stage of life, begin new careers or travel to new places. And as I’ve demonstrated in my last several articles, menopause can help us develop our sense of humor and provides plenty of reasons to laugh.

So no more whining (you know I don’t really mean that, we all deserve to complain a little, but let’s just pretend we’ll never whine again). Leave the grumbling and moaning behind and let’s go buy that pair of shoes!

To read more humorous blogs on menopause, check out some of my articles, such as Gotta Pee, Confessions of a Menopausal Chocoholic Crack Head,  and The Legal Case Against Mr. Menopause at Hot Flash Daily.

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